


Until

by CalamityK



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Heartache, Heavy Angst, I didn't archive warnings for a reason, M/M, One-sided dialogue, Oops, Sad, and probably scream at me, you will cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 01:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10547946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityK/pseuds/CalamityK
Summary: Yuri pauses his steps and takes a deep breath.“You fixed me first,thenyou broke me. There’s no moving on from that.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pumpkinpiechey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinpiechey/gifts).



> Well.....
> 
> This is a drabble fill for a tumblr request:  
> Anonymous said:  
> otayuri: "how could you do this to me?"
> 
> Which is a question I feel like a lot of you are going to ask me after reading this.

“How could you do this to me?”

Yuri’s scarf feels like it’s tightening around his throat, but he doesn’t reach to loosen it. There’s a prickling breeze wrapping its way around him, and he barely feels it against his numb skin.

“You promised, Beka. You promised everything was going to be okay.”

He can feel the tears sliding from his eyes, etching salty paths from his cheeks to his chin.

He lets them fall.

“Why’d that have to be the only promise you ever fucking broke?”

The only reply he gets is from the sharp cries of birds overhead, and the whistle of the wind as it stirs up more cold.

 _Whatever_ , he thinks bitterly, he hadn’t expected an answer.

“Victor says I need to forgive you.” He laughs, but it’s a hollow sound. “It’s like everyone just expects me to get over it. Over _you._ But you know I can’t.”

There’s still no response, just the sounds of his own footfalls as he steps closer.

More angry words rise to his tongue, but he squares his shoulders and stops their flow.

He didn’t come here to yell. _Not really_.

“You ruined me for anyone else.” He says it softly, his voice shaking, and his anger crumbling.

The statement settles on silence.

Yuri pauses his steps and takes a deep breath.

“You fixed me first, _then_ you broke me. There’s no moving on from that.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, fighting the words even as they bubble out.

“It’s like I used to have this big raging fire inside me that I could barely control. And I used it to wage my own war on the ice-rink, and at first…at first you fueled it, Otabek. Then you taught me to control it, and I burned only for you. _I fucking burned_.”

He shoves his cold fingers into his pockets to keep them from shaking.

“Now I’m just burned out.”

He swallows around the memories that suddenly start playing against his closed eyelids. The flash of Otabek’s smile. The one that was _only for Yuri_ , not for the press and not for the public. Not even for the ice. _Just Yuri_.

The memory of Otabek’s hands as they seared a path down Yuri’s body. The way they touched, and held, and _took._

The way their fingers linked perfectly because Otabek’s hands were just a bit larger— _rougher_ — and he always held on so tight.

Yuri should have held on tighter, _while Otabek’s hands were still his to hold._

The thought floods his chest with a fresh ache of misery, and he opens his eyes with new tears. They follow the same path to the ground, sliding off his face like rain off broken glass.

He remembers the way Otabek’s voice had sounded the first time he’d said, ‘ _I love you_ ;’ deep, vibrating from behind his ribs even when pitched to a whisper. Yuri remembers how it had curled around the phrase like cultured honey, and eased the slide into Yuri’s hardened heart. Yuri replayed the sound in his head for days, like a broken mantra that—even now—sounds like _home_.

“ _Forever, Beka_.” Yuri almost sobs, but it doesn’t quite come out. “You said it’d be just you and me forever. _How could you do this to me_?”

It’s such an empty question.

Yuri fingers the band of silver in his pocket, slipping it over the end of his thumb and finally pulling it out to the light.

What’s left of today’s sun glints off the metal in golden shimmers, making the ring seem like more than it is. More than it _was_.

He plays with it, rolling it between his fingers before pressing it into his palm. The feel of it indenting his skin is the only thing that keeps him from throwing it.

He just squeezes it tighter—like a lifeline; one last call for strength— as he edges steadily closer to where Otabek is.

“ _I’ll love you ‘til I’m dead, Beka.”_

The words threaten to steal his breath as he leans forward, tracing one finger over the engravings on the stone before him.

The marble is a solemn gray, jutting stoically from the ground, as firm as the man that lies under it ever was.

It’s an aching reminder that nothing is permanent.

“ _Until I’m dead_.” Yuri repeats in a whisper, voice much softer than before. “That’s _my_ promise.”

He presses the ring to his quaking lips for the last time, then he lays it at the base of the gravestone.

“I know it’s one I can keep.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ouch. Um. Oops?
> 
> No, I won't mark "Major Character Death" and no it's not to be mean. I just feel like it cheapens the flow of this as a work because you're expecting it, which isn't very fair to the narrative I chose to create, since it would preemptively ruin the big gut punch moment.
> 
> I know, I know, I'm evil. You can yell at me for it at [kingotabek](http://kingotabek.tumblr.com/faq)


End file.
